Perhaps I should learn how to blog again. Not really for the sake of others to read, but for myself to reflect back 10 years down the road, what I had wrote 10 years ago. Reading through my blog posts for the past 6 years, back to my old blogspot and all. I guess I can call it “growing up” I can call it “leaving the past behind”, but I think what is more accurate to describe it as will be “growing cynical of life”.

I remember telling someone that, once I lost hope in all mankind. I never learnt how to trust afterwards, because when someone who is never supposed to betray you, does betray you, anyone else could possibly hurt you. So the only way to stay safe, is never to allow anyone to matter.

Perhaps I had made the mistake of allowing that to sway once. To allow someone to matter to me again, after so many  years of protection. To allow someone into my life, and within my comfort zone. For a couple of years, I had actually allowed myself to think that I had made the right choice of letting that decision sway, and perhaps allow myself to think that there is hope in man afterall.

Years pass, and now. I know, mankind never change. and they will always fail you in the end. And those who you allowed to matter, will be the most hurting part of your life. And who else better to be blame than myself?

But despite all these, I am grateful for all that had happened in the recent years, that chance of allowing someone into my life. To show me briefly in the years, that sometimes, somehow, mankind could be trusted. Perhaps not for long, but at least they could at been, at some point of my life.

Trust is a serious business. It allows someone to be built up, or to be destroyed. It’s really important to guard your trust, to deposit yourself entirely into someone. And to trust is not to half believe, not to choose and pick when to rely. It means 100% trust and faith in the person. No matter what happens. And now that I had shown you that 100% trust that I said I would give you from the start, I stand true to my promise. My promise to you and myself. To trust without questions, to trust without limits. To trust that regardless what that had happened, it was for a reason. And the reason is better kept away from me.

Turning 21 this year, made me seen many things happened in the past years. Many changes, many crossroads for you to stand in the middle, not knowing where to go. And any step that is miscalculated, could cost you something treasured. Well, who said you had to rush? No one. So take your time, to think through what you need to think through about, and take those calculated steps. It’s time to act responsibly, I guess. To answer for our own actions, and decisions.

But if anyone were to ask me right now? I stand true to my decision made. And for those who knows what is this decision, I’m glad for you to be in my life. And for that particular you who is of concern, take your time. We are not rushing anywhere. If you are even here.

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